Redhead Day, can it be?

I'm working on a piece right now about being a redhead and I ran across an episode of Martha Stewart in which she focuses exclusively on redheads. She proclaims it "Redhead Day" and the date?

January 4th, my birthday!

Was I really born on Redhead Day? That's pretty flipping SWEET! I always knew I was special ;)

Devil's spawn, my ass.

Bad days, they pass.

Hi.

Feeling a smidge better today, thank you very much.

Wait, I guess I didn't bitch and moan to y'all yesterday, did I? Yesterday sucked. Well, at the very best I guess I could say it was LACKLUSTER. If you will, allow me to purge all the wrongness about it, starting from 7 am til my little head hit the pillow: Tired, tired, cramps, very bad cramps. Didn't want to get up. Couldn't find anything to wear, outfit was heinous, hair.....bad. Work = boring, no motivation, secretary being HM. Lunch workout class.....awful. I couldn't get any of the moves right and almost cried out of frustration. Misc injuries....can't move my left arm a certain way, hip hurts, knee is sore. More afternoon boringness @ work, blogs aren't even interesting. House we liked got rented. I broke down and ate something out of the vending machine and also drank a diet coke. Dahlia plant died, recycling bin smelled foul, like someone puked in it. No food in the house, too lazy to shop for groceries, no pay until Friday. Scrounged change for cheap Chardonnay, drank some, acquired a terrible headache and went to bed, the end.

Shit, I fucking hate days like that.

Today, I feel better. MUCH MUCH MUCH better ;) I probably should use all this feeling goodness and put the pedal to the metal here at work, but nah. I am already in holiday mode!

So....2 more days of smoking in bars. Why isn't anyone organizing a big smoke-off or something? ha! Also: 2 more days until Kevin quits for good. He doesn't have the specialness that I do and can't just have one all willy-nilly here and there. It's all or nothing with him. He has his "secret" stash of P-Funks in our herb and spice cabinet (where, appropriately enough, we store herbs of ALL kinds ;) that, come school time, ain't so secret anymore. Boy better start puffing before I hide them for myself!

**Short diatribe begins**

We can ban smoking in public places, which is great and all, but why can't we fix other, in my opinion BIGGER, health issues? Like health insurance. And all the shit in our food. And CO2 in the air from burning fossil fuels. Why is it such a battle? I guess 10 years ago banning smoking in public places would have been viewed as a huge battle too, but to me some solutions seem so simple - I mean, what the fuck is wrong with using a windmill to generate power? How could anyone argue that pollution is a GOOD thing? It breaks my heart.

(And I haven't even seen Al Gore's movie, but I did read the cover story in the Westword last night...)

****

Onward. What's going on this weekend? Well, I am finally, FINALLY getting my ass to the beauty parlor (heh- beauty parlor!) for some much-needed scissoring and coloring. I want really long hair again. Lucy will be getting her shots and a pedicure on her insanely long wolf claws. I am simply counting the seconds until this *growth* falls off my foot so I can prance into the nail salon with pride and get a pedi myself!

I've also got a few domestic projects in the works, I will be commencing The Great House Hunt, I'm going to see Pearl Jam/Tom Petty on Sunday night, and Kevin's brother Brian comes in on Monday. I think we're spending the fourth at a Rockies Game. How American of us!

Next week two of my FAVORITE bands are playing....Railroad Earth on Thursday and The Gourds on Saturday! Weeeeeee!

She's crafty, and she's just my type.

Y'all, I've pulled myself back up by my bootstraps (er, OK...my Chaco straps) and instead of weeping and moaning over potential career changes lost, I am getting involved in something CRAFTY.

(Arts and crafts doth make thy heart beat with love.)

I am joining in AfricanKelli's swaparoo and if you're the slightest bit handy with a needle and thread, maybe you should too! Making a wristlet is the project, which HEY! You're talking to Phish tour pouch-maker extraordinaire here....I'm all over it.

Minus the hemp, corduroy patchwork, and glass objects inside, of course ;) Unless that's you're thing, in which case I'd be happy to oblige.

Rejection...

...sucks.

I just received TWO in the past hour.

I think I need to march straight home and drown my sorrows in a big pathetic box of white zin.

(Ok, even I can't write that without laughing.)

Seriously, I need to go be sad for a minute or two. Then I might just consider the zin.

Leaves, new.

'Tis been a lovely weekend in the rosalicious domestic compound.

Yesterday, after an unsuccessful venture to the Tennyson Street Farmer's Market, Lucy and I decided to take a hike.

Ummmmm, this part of the trail had that Colorado smell I LOVE- warm pine trees!


My girl loves to swim:


And run:


And pose for pictures with her mama ;)


Let's not forget about sticks, STICKS! Yummmmm:


I miss living in the mountains with National Forest right behind our house. Trails were Lucy's daily walk! Trails with NO LEASH LAWS. Yeah, we got in a wee bit of trouble.....but it's not like I was letting Lucy run around like the wild dingo from hell....we were practically IN the river, away from people. Damn rules...they are what they are, right BABY? (Kevin is responsible for the writing of tickets for dogs-off-leash in the Nat'l Forest. Heh, so that's where we hike!)

Last night Jenn came over for dinner - I grilled chicken on the grill and made a big delicious salad and we reminisced about the Telluride days of yore ;)

Today has been a cloudy, cool wonderful day for reading and running. I am (was- I finished in 2 days!) completely engrossed in a really great book - The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. I remember seeing her on Oprah but didn't know this was her book when I checked it out....it's amazing the life this woman lived (and hid for years)and the fact that she lives (from what I can tell) virtually anger-free towards her parents. I do love me a good memoir.

K and I just returned from dinner- we didn't make the movie in time (An Inconvienient Truth) so that's for another night this week.....we ate at Jack 'N Grill where the portions are out of control and now I feel like I want to die.....enzymes: do your thang!

The TV has not been on once this weekend (except Friday night we watched a movie: Happy Endings. Interesting flick, pretty good) and I haven't missed it AT.ALL! Yay! I even started working on some writing. A new leaf, people. A big fat new creative leaf.

They're growing, they're growing!

Maybe it's the southern girl in me but...

...one of the things in life I love most is a good front porch on which to sit.

It's the best way to connect with the outside world without ever leaving your house.

This is our front porch:


It's nice, but there are 2 major drawbacks to it. One, and this is perhaps the most important quality in a porch, if you are sitting down you can't see over the wall (where railings would normally be) in order to get the best PEOPLE WATCHING. We live on a busy street, so there are plenty of people walking or biking by to watch...plus the neighbors and all their actions. (I am a very nosy neighbor....but so are the Haney's who own the coffee shop next door....yes, we have a coffee shop 2 houses down...it rocks! They know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE. This week they asked us how camping was....they must have seen us unloading our T-ride stuff! John Haney is a cop so I guess that's in his nature...plus he sits outside all. day. long. smoking cigs.)

The second drawback is that it is LOUD. I love to sit on the porch when I talk on the phone but you can't hear out here for shit because of the cars. Right now it's 8:30 am on Saturday and it's quite pleasant....

Yes, I am enjoying coffee on the front porch as we speak:

Wait! That's not coffee....hahahaha. That picture is from last night. I'm not that much of a drunk.



I hope y'all have a porch to relax on....if not, come on over!

It's Friday afternoon and there's nothing left to do but peruse CL.

So,this house is where we used to live when we lived up in Gilpin County. I noticed that the 2 top and bottom right pictures are not even of the house, so I did what any kind CL reader would do and emailed the rental agency to let them know they made a mistake in posting the pictures.

Her response: "Sorry, Rosie, you are incorrect. This house has been remodeled."

As if. Check them out, do they even APPEAR to be of the same house? You can see the corner of the kitchen counter in the corner of the bottom left picture....clearly, NOT the "remodeled" kitchen.

I don't know why this totally annoys me. Maybe because I know so surely that I am right? Maybe because when we lived there we got the total screwjob in rent....paying $1,100 a month for what is now only $800?

(By the way: We need a place to live!)

The post-vacay FUNK is over!

Welllll, you'll all be happy to know that I've finally come out of my post-Telluride funk. No longer am I gloomyschmoomy from not doing this anymore:


Or this:


Or even this:


Seriously, the last 2 days I haven't felt good at all......I've been tired and grumpy and unenthused about life. Like, why can't life be all mountainy laid-back fun all the time instead WORK and CITY and TRAFFIC and HEAT? Then I gave myself a huge smack on the head and realized that HELLO I still live in Colorado, not Missouri or New Jersey, and hey- WORK is the reason I am able to do such things. Plus, a good night's sleep didn't hurt either.

Today I felt great all day long....it was awesome! I ran for 40 minutes over lunch and could have kept going but I wanted to do some arm work. I thought it would be hard as hell after drinking and smoking (ahem.....not necessarily cigs) for days on end, but surprisingly it felt sooooo good. That's what makes me love running.....y'all know....that feeling. I have been invited to join a team for the Outward Bound Relay....24 hours, 170 mountain miles. I don't know....I still can't commit but I'm thinking how good it would be.

And lest you start to think I'm all sporty mcgoo, I just made a trip to Applejack, my favorite place to score wine, well besides Corks, and got some good deals! I am drinking one right now ;) And cooking a tortilla and pinto bean casserole.....uummmmmmmm. My life, as you all verrrrry well know, is not strictly about buzzes of the endorphin variety.

I've been all into the craft blog reading lately and I am totally inspired to ban TV for the summer and MAKE. I used to be so crafty and it's just all sorta fallen by the wayside. I think some creativity will perk me up....also, I just read on Helen Jane's blog that she did a Media Fast. This sounds like another remedy to my malaise....I read about all these awesome things people are doing and then feel bad about myself....I'm not artsy enough, or a good enough writer, or I'm not publishing a book, or blah blah blah I need a haircut.

(Seriously, I need that haircut. My mane is SHAGGY and DRY. Ick)

I feel like if I'm not filling my brain with other people's ideas then I'll focus on my own. I'm a smart girl (yeahyeah), really, and I know that there are some truly fabulous concepts floating around in there somewhere.

Anyway, other stuff I'm digging...

- I just gave my first ever performance reviews to my staff this week. Went well, but I'm glad it's over. I hope and want to be a good manager.....I'm still trying to fit into that role.

- Latin and caribbean music makes me feel so summery....Manu Chao is coming to the Fillmore! Psyched!

- Recipes from my former employer

- The Ballpark Market...I think it's Sat? No? Well then please move down to stuff I am NOT digging!

- There is a new Jamaican restaurant in our 'hood! When we were in Jamaica we weren't blown away by the food, but now I am craving some JERK. yuummmmmmm!

- Fresh produce and watermelon.....can I get another yummmmmmmmm?! Watermelon!

- Reading magazines

- Eating al fresco and hanging out on my front porch

- That tomorrow is fucking FRIDAY! Weeeeeeeee!

Stuff I am not digging...

- My back pain. I have no idea where it came from, but it's annoying.

- Mt. Vesuvius in the chin region. Ick. I stopped taking the Pill too on my mission to be pill-free in 93 (Stop right there. No babies will be making an appearance 'round here....). I think my hormones are screwy.

- There is a class - NIA - that I really want to take but I am nervous about being the newbie.

- Kevin's long work hours. He doesn't get home until 8 or 9. I miss having summertime night disc golf games and whatnot. Wah.

- My hair. Like I said, it is shitastically hideous right now and I can't get it colored and cut ($150 at my salon) because of...

- My finances. Post-vacation blues indeed!

More on The Real World Denver hoopla.

Holy shit, this is hilarious....a fake Real World cast parading around Denver! Haha, that's brilliant.

My grass is blue.

So, rosalicious, welcome back! How was Bluegrass?
Shit was dope! Seriously, there is no festival like it....anywhere. It was an awesome festivation....great music, great friends, great beer, great scenery...

What performances rocked your world?
Neko Case was soooooooo good. Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers--cheesy name but good band. Of course, Yonder was good- not as good as last year but still rockin'. Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings were this groovy funk band and we danced our little behinds off to them. The Decemberists were the odd-balls everyone wondered why were there, but I liked them. Nickel Creek was of course great- first time I have seen them live. All the Telluride regulars....Del McCoury, Bela, Tim O'Brien, Tony Rice, Peter Rowan, Jerry Douglas. Good but not mind blowing. No one was really mind-blowing.....except Neko. The gospel band on Sunday morning was really terrific and the Barenaked Ladies surprised the hell out of me....they were so witty and their sound was great!

I mean, at Telluride I'd probably even enjoy Britney...which reminds me... Nickel Creek did a version of "Toxic" which was super catchy and fun.

Did you boogie down like a wild banshee?
Oh HELL yeah. Mainly to the funk band. All other tunes got the classic 2-steppin' hippy-bop....not so much banshee happening on our tarp.

Who sucked?
Wellllll, me the one morning I puked. Otherwise, suck is kind of a strong word for such a chill scene. But, if you must know, I really did not get into Bonnie Raitt. She played one song I love (and I missed Angel from Montgomery- my signature karaoke song- although John Prine did it later) but the rest of her sounded like Cozy101. I also was expecting better things from the Drive-By Truckers. I think they were all just really drunk. Sam Bush gets old after awhile. John Prine....snore. Missy Higgins....snore.

How was the weather?
Lame question but at the same time NOT. The weather dictated fucking everything at this festival! Thursday and Friday it was chilly and cloudy and rained some...although we did see a little sun here and there. I looked up at the sky so much trying to determine when the next cloud would clear. Saturday and Sunday were GORGEOUS. Not a cloud in the sky--lots of sun. Sunday was almost unbearably hot.....but no sunburns for me ;)

Who did you go with? People you knew?
Yes, kinda, and no. Jenn and Yoni were the anchors. We know them, obviously. Then there was Eric and Yunny, who are friends of theirs from Minnesota whom we have met a few times. And then Damien, Ana and their ADORABLE child Mena from Madison, WI. Also- a guy Ryan from Fort Collins and his 2 comrades who said nary a word but sat next to us all 4 days. Some other peeps were thrown in there too...aunts, uncles, cousins, long lost pen pals....all awesome people. No drama, good vibes, peace and love and all that jazz...

Did you camp?
Heh. No. We stayed in Yoni's parents' condo. Shit wadn't free though.

Did you stand in line to put your tarp in a good spot?
No, but people started lining up the night before. Ryan was camping in Town Park and, god bless him, got up early and put it out each morning. We sat on the right side of the stage, same spot each day....accessible and always easy to find!

What did you eat?
I drank all of my calories in beer. And in between there were sandwiches and lunch stuff we brought in, vendor food like spicy greens and dumplings, and tots and salad from the Cornerhouse Grill. We also ate at a terrific mexican place- La Comida De Luz- for breakfast.

What did you drink?
Now there's a question skippy! Lots of water. Lots and lots and thank god there were free spickets flowing of it. Skinny Dip- lots and lots of Skinny Dip. After awhile the beer tent got nauseatingly skanky but still....more Skinny Dip. On the last day, they ran out. So then I had Fat Tire. We also brought Nalgenes of beer in....so economical of us! There was vodka and lemonade (Jenn and Yoni's drink) and Bourbon and Ginger (guess whose that was?). We had flasks of Bourbon that we drank straight or poured into Cokes. One night I had wine out of a sippy cup. Ummmm, there was tequila too, I think. And more water. And more beer. And more water. Beerwaterbeerwaterbeerwatermixedcocktailstraightupliquor.

Were you, like, totally environmental there?
Ummm, like yeah? We reused the same cup all weekend, hence the name in marker! Everything there was wind-powered. The bottles of water, the plates, the forks....all of it compostable. I picked up trash when I saw it. I refused a bag for my new skirt.....I did my part ;) It was awesome to be in such an eco-conscious environment! AL Gore woulda creamed his britches.

Did you hit up the T'ride bar scene?
Shhhhiiitttt, only in my dreams...literally. After a day of sun and drinks, who could? We walked straight home and went to bed every night.

Were the portapotties gross-out central?
Somewhat. I tried not to look or inhale too deeply. But this year there was Purell instead of the wash station with paper towels....better, much better.

Did you score any free shit?
As a matter of fact you big moocher, we did! We both got a really swell New Belgium bike bell for reusing our cup all 4 days! It's pretty sweet and will alert all those around me to my biking presence! I also won a bet with Kev and got a free bottle of wine. Yum!

Did you randomly run into anyone you knew?
Yes! We ran into a friend we hadn't seen from Fort Collins in forever (Eric) and a guy I know from Charlottesville (also Eric) and also a guy I used to work with at Mines. Fun! Oh yeah- and the Gnome Girls....crazy bitches, don't even ask.

What stuff did you forget that needs to come next year?
A squirt bottle for water, a parasol, rain gear (that's me- I mean, how obvious!), a flag to mark our spot, a big camelbak that holds more water. We could have used more bourbon too...

How dirty did your feet get, was the wart OK?
From the way it looks, I don't think the wart is going to budge, unfortunately for me and everyone in my yoga class. My feet got pretty fucking dirty, but I saw worse. I had a nice shower each morning, remember. The Horny Toad booth had a dirty feet contest. I did not enter.

Did you take any hikes?
Not this year. By day 2 I resigned to the fact that it wasn't happening. Which is OK...we were there for the music. (And, well, the mornings all started pretty sllllooooow, if you know what I mean)

What did people wear, anything crazy?
Well, in the cold of the night show one dude was wearing pretty much nothing. That was crazy, considering the cold! Fairy wings....are NOT crazy, in fact they are annoying. Straw hats GALORE, Chacos Chacos everywhere, lots of Patagucci, lots of Prana, lots of GEAR. Not many hippie patchwork outfits....those all must have been at Bonnaroo. I saw someone selling skirts made out of sewn together ties....kind of original but not very cute.

Telluride Bluegrass Festival in one word:
Sorry, Bluegrass isn't a one word affair. Colorful. Fun. Beautiful people.

To see more photographic evidence, go here!

Performance anxiety.

My mama reads this blog!

I feel like someone is watching me try to pee.

Doing everything, going everywhere.

No, bitches, I am NOT hungover ;) I do feel bad ruining a post full of someone else's good news with crap of my own, though. It's just...well, have you ever felt like you're the one who does EVERYTHING? The cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, the gardening, the planning....while someone else, again: nameless, plops on the couch and watches sports, then has the nerve to criticize you after all the shit you've done?

If you haven't, then check your fucking pulse! ha ha. I know I don't do EVERYTHING, and I am in fact doing what my therapist calls "overgeneralizing" (or what I call "being dramatic") but sometimes....DAMN, it just feels that way and after awhile it gets extremely tiresome. But I also know that on nameless guy's part, it must be equally as difficult being with someone who is as Type A and controlling as I am.

I guess that's why when it comes down to it, we balance each other out.

In other news, to counteract the humdrum of my daily grind, I am starting 2 new classes. The first one is a weight training class called "Muscle Plus." My first one was yesterday. I am SO sore today- especially in my bum! It's going to be really good for me though....I am pretty good with all the cardio and running I do but I'm basically a weakling everywhere else. I could definitely use the tone.

I am also taking a knitting class with a girl from work. I've always wanted to learn how to knit and it's also a good opportunity to make a new friend...outside of this place, that is. Knitting with yarn sounds kind of hot right now to me though...and not in a sexy, oohlala way. Although, knitters are hott, right? Aren't they all hipsters who ride Vespas and shop at Whole Foods?

Speaking of Whole Foods, ummmmmmm I am hungry! All we had in the house for a quick breakfast was a Power Bar, and now I am chugging water because that's what those things require. A salad is in order for me, I think, so......I'm out. Have a great afternoon!

Hear ye, hear ye, we are not exempt from wedding going this summer!

Oh boy, it's another LIQUOR FOR DINNER post. Actually, tonight's poison is not vodka, but rather my very favorite summer drink: pinot grigio. I hit Applejack Liquors for Telluride provisions** and alas, could not emerge without a tasty treat for tonight. Ya know, since I had a terribly busycrazy day at work and all.....

I am also taking full advantage of Kevin's absence and watching some BAD TV. As in the BAD (M)TV. I just have to say....Wes, from TRW-Austin? How in the HELL is that cutie Johanna with you? And your mohawked hair? HORRID. He is so pale he is GREY, and did she just call him "her knight in shining armor?" MY GOD.

(Yeah, I pretty much shot my Master's in English all to hell writing that last paragraph. Look what I've become. LOOK!)

Shameful.

Anyway, I'm here at this non-work hour (surprise, I know) because I wanted to make another wedding announcement. This one is VERY good. Jodi and Bill are getting married this summer!!!!!! I am so psyched for them. I love them both so much. I was there when they got together...they met at this awesome place- Bill makes the beer, Jodi makes the visuals.

OK- Allow me to interrupt for one sec! Kev just walked in the door and I say: Guess who's getting married?! And he says: We play this game a lot lately. Jodi and Bill! And I say: Yes! The wedding is this summer in Silverton. And Kevin says: See, they have an ATTACHMENT to that place.

What he is referring to is that we recently had a discussion about where we will eventually tie the knot. Actually - and I am only admitting this because I am drunk -I looked online the other day at places to get married in Cape Hatteras, NC. And that night I told Kevin I did that. Yeah....what the HELL was I thinking? I was drunk then too. Anyway, Kev says we don't BOTH have an attachment there and so it's not an ideal place. And to that I responded, as any girl would....BUT BABY, I have been dreaming of getting married on the beach since I was A LITTLE GIRL!

Clearly, such an exaggeration didn't make an impact. I guess I am going to have to start planning some serious Outer Banks vacations in order to make that attachment a REALITY.

And? And? Silverton is Jodi's special place, not Bill's. So There.

BUT IT IS NOT ABOUT ME.

I know Jodi and Bill's wedding will be super fun, not like this generic matrimonious snoozefest, which may be, like, the lamest wedding ever known to man. I know it'll be original and creative and laid-back and not at all from the cheesy pages of Modern Bride. And there will be lots of beer, lots and lots of beer.

(KEVIN JUST CALLED THE JEANS I AM WEARING WRANGLER-LIKE! Asshole.)

Well, I can't concentrate anymore because SOMEBODY is being a total dickhead about something that I can't say on the internet because I will probably regret it, but I am now kinda mad and someone, who shall remain nameless, is starting to seriously piss me off.

I need another drink. Ta-Ta!


** Do you think a handle of Bourbon will be enough?

Typical Monday morning post.

Happy Monday and all that good shit. Actually it's not too bad of a week because hallelujah- I am only in the office until Wednesday....yay!

(Did I mention how excrutiatingly painful work is right now? If I have to write one more institutional-sounding letter I THINK I MIGHT BE FORCED TO STORE BOURBON IN MY DRAWER IN ORDER TO DEAL WITH THE SUPREME LACK OF CREATIVE ENERGY LETTERS LIKE THESE CREATE.)

Bah. Someone help me.

And someone please help Yonder Mountain String Band--what the fuck is this sell-out sounding song on the radio?

Anyway.

Yesterday Kevin was the first "official" on the scene of a a fatal accident. It's not the first crisis he's encountered in Boulder Canyon, or even the second or third, but this was the first dead body. In fact, when he was telling me the story (as I was cooking FOOD, mind you), he didn't say "guy" or "man" or "person." It was BODY. Because when they pulled him out of the river he was already as dead as a doorknob. They did CPR on him, but of course to no avail. K said he was bleeding profusely from the back of his head and his eyes were eerily wide open even though he was well on his way to the pearly gates.

Ick. So sad. Shit like this happens all the time in these parts, unfortunately.

My weekend was rather lame and I liked it that way. Friday night we went to, like, the worst bar in all of Denver- The Paramount Cafe. We wanted to win Bluegrass passes and KCUV was there giving them away. Plus, it was supposed to be sponsored by Patron, my fave drink (one of). Well, Patron specials were nowhere in sight - in fact, the only drink on happy hour special was a long island iced tea. We ordered a plate of nachos (disgusting) and I drank my two long island iced teas, marveling at the sheer quantity of overweight people in the joint. (It was uncanny, really - and Denver is known for being THIN. Tourists? Were they there for the food portions which were fucking HUGE? hhhmmmmm.)

We totally felt like old people with early bird coupons, hanging out desperately at a place we would never, ever go. And to add insult to injury- we didn't win shit.

When we got home it was still light out so we took Lucy for a walk around the 'hood to look at some places for rent. I'm ready to throw in the towel and stay where we are. Everything is a fucking shit hole! Kev is willing to live in a dump but I AM NOT. I don't think anything will live up to my standards. K and I got into a fight about this....I mean, we're on the same page, really, when it comes down to it. He just took it personally when I called the places shit holes...he found them and therefore it was some kind of an attack on his taste. Whatever. He wouldn't have lived in them either.

Agghhhhh, so frustrating! Everything is so up in the air! I hate it....am SO ready to feel settled. Some good news, though, is that the USFS is trying to get K on permanently when he's done with school. That could change EVERYTHING.

More good news: we finally got our sprinkler system fixed. Now we don't have to haul the hose all over the yard - it's all automated ;) Makes me feel attached to the house again....

OH WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DOooooooooooooooo?

Other things I did over the weekend: sewed cushions for the patio chairs, lots of laundry, watched "Hitch," drank vodka, moved plants outside, planted another tomato plant, weeded and weeded and weeded some more, made cole slaw, used up food in the fridge, brushed Lucy and Big H, washed my car, read The Time Traveler's Wife, wrote a few cards, got some sun, slept in.

Hangover-free living, at its finest.

Morning prep and dog poop.

At first glance this picture is nothing to write home about....just a perfectly innocent breakfast waiting to happen. But what if I told you that Kevin, my sweet, funny, anal-retentive boyfriend, in all seriousness set this up the NIGHT BEFORE?

He also prepped the coffee. Sugar, spoon and travel mug all on the ready!



Now don't go getting all up in Kevin's grill about this incredible cuteness because a) he'll get embarrassed and b) that's my job and I take it very seriously. Ironically, in spite of all this careful preparation, Kevin ran around like a wild banshee in the morning looking for his keys just minutes before catching the bus.

***

Do you think we are crazy for moving out of this awesome pad?



Well, you're wrong. And please don't come stalk us now that you know where we rest our pretty little heads at night.

***

Somebody sent Marilyn Musgrave an envelope full of DOG SHIT. Ohmigod, that's the funniest thing I've heard all week. I hope it was poop from a GAY DOG trying to get married.

***

TGIF mofos. 6 more hours. Really, that long until I'm free from the bondage of office hell? Well then, I'm sure I'll be back.

What kind of spam is THIS?

Currently in my inbox:

narrow-souled mileage ticket Non-negro nimble-heeled net weaver oar-footed olive berry morning sickness nurse tree pearl gray paper muslin night-swaying Non-germanic nail making

Pan-americanism moriche palm party-zealous pale catechu mouse barley pasture thistle oil gauge night soil nitrogen dioxide orange marmalade no-count oatseed bird Mid-july oxeye camomile mortification root ninety-nine nimble-stepping oak blight nail-bearing oath breaker peanut butter musk parrot paper chaser ox daisy paddle tumbler oxyacetylene blowpipe mis-rely oat bread mouse-killing mis-hold oblong-acuminate musica mensurata

off-turning peach borer open-letter proof passage-free one-valued mezzo-soprano clef mid-sky peace-inspiring mil-foot pallet stone New englandish off-the-record palace car off-wheeler Panama balata old-field pine moth-eat oat-growing noll-kholl open-airish patch box neat-looking

nitrogen fixer pampas fox oil-fueled old bachelor organ stop never-swerving new-mown parcel-post stamp Non-ukrainian os magnum parcel-blind oil sheet mountain maker miniature photography mist-blotted old-standing mid-zone mild-aired

Man, I think I'm having a flashback or something.

Boozin' before bed.

Well hello there party people and good evening from HOT AS MOTHERFUCKINGSHIT Denver. Actually, it's not so bad right now. I might just feel a slight breeze blowing in and you know what that spells?

R-o-s-i-e n-e-e-d-s a-n-o-t-h-e-r c-o-c-k-t-a-i-l.

I'm having vodka tonic for dinner. Truth be told, I rarely drink the hard stuff in the ol' casa....it's purely a bar drink....you know, more bang for the buck. But alas, Smirnoff's all I got and a girl with a hole in her foot's gotta medicate. Oh wait...look! Here comes Kevin with a bloody mary for HIS dinner! We are such bums.

Yesterday was the big W,A,R,T (right spelling nazi, huh?huh?) removal. I can't really walk so good now and it probably wasn't the best timing with Telluride next week and lots of dancing in dirty feet. Needless to say, no running for me either. I'm subbing the alcohol buzz for the endorphins, apparently. Wooohhoooo!

But boooooo to my fat ass. I know, I sound like one of those crazy anorexics that has a major meltdown when the 400 calories a day have no way of getting burned. Whatevs. I can always up the crunches.

Anyhow, crunches schmunches...I had the hottest doctor remove The Wart. I never get cute doctors, so what a surprise! Too bad he had to get up close and personal with ol' warty. I thought about leaving him a missed connection from my wart on CL.....

(Another vodka tonic and you'd be privvy to what that MC might look like.)

What else has been going on since the 2 days blogger wouldn't let me post? Well, work is boring me out of my fucking skull. Nothing new there. Ann Coulter is a total cunt, nothing new there either. Brangelina's baby? Snoozefest. Not that I totally don't get all up in some US Weekly, because I do, but newborn baby pictures are fucking uninteresting as hell. They all look the same! Plus I must be, like, the only person on the planet who is not an Angelina Jolie fan. I think she's kinda scary and if I have to hear her lips described as pillows one more time I think I might just, um, well, I probably wouldn't do anything because I, um...

Obviously need to go now.


Yeah mom, we know. It's hot.

My own go fug yourself.

There is some very bad fashion going on in the office right now and before I buckle down and try to make sense of some tax-receipting gobbledygook that I've been putting off for the past week, I need someone to gossip about it with....

YOU!

First, there is this girl here who is the quintessential fashion follower....you know, when everyone was wearing the big pin-on flowers, she wore a big pin-on flower. When everyone did the ballet flats, she did the ballet flats. I mean, flowers and flats are fine and all, but this girl just doesn't have a signature style or anything that adds an individual flair to her look....it's like she took her In-Style magazine to Cherry Creek Mall with the pages dog-eared and went store to store searching for the exact same items in the mag. No originality. Ann Taylor has, in fact, puked all over her closet.

Today she is wearing a scarf placed ever so carefully on her head. Behind the bangs! And it looks ridiculous! Naturally it is all matchy-matchy with what she is wearing and maybe even appears to be freshly starched (now, I have no beef with a fresh starching so carry on with that, girlfriend...) I know the headbandy scarf style is currently all over the likes of Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson, but does it belong here in the workplace? I think I would appreciate it more had she worn it like a do-rag! At least that would have been different....heinous, but I could have respected the boldness of such a move.

On to the second fashion fauxpas. Now, I am no high fallutin fashion maven but I do know a bad pantyline when I see one. Or, shall I say, a lack of a bad pantyline. I'm not going to lie- my butt has some fat dimples too. And if you wear tight enough pants, those dimples show through! Especially in white pants! I know the old rule of thong/white pants seems logical in all situations but AHA! It's not always the right choice. People! Check your butt for fat dimples before you leave the house! Ick!

Alrighty....thanks so much for letting me dish, y'all. I think I'll be able to get on with my day now.

Homeless pets make me so very weepy.

Today at lunch I faced my fears and went to the Table Mountain Animal Shelter. NO! Not for a sweet new furry companion! (I wish!) I donated some stuff because I'm all philanthropic and shit.

I really can't handle the animal shelter. Hospitals...I'm OK, shelters....no way. It's too bad because animal rights is up there in the top 2 charities closest to my heart (the environment is the other). But emotionally, the shelter just works me! I don't think I'll ever get over it and be able to volunteer at one, as much as I'd like to.

The first time we went to the puppy rescue in search of Lucy, we had to leave before we even got her because I lost my shit. All those sad little puppies in cages....we got there late too, so almost all the puppies had already been adopted and the ones that were left just looked so lonely and pitiful. It damn near broke my heart. I cried for a long long time on the way home. I also had a major crying fit in the vet once because some lady had to say goodbye to her kitty, right there in the lobby. The tears were uncontrollable and I was traumatized all day by it.

I dropped off my goods today and even pet a few sad looking pit bulls outside who were awaiting adoption! No tears! Maybe I'm getting more hard-hearted in my old age ;-) I also think I want another doggie! I'm preparing myself.

That's right, another weekend run-down.

Friday

First and foremost I REJOICED over 4 o'clock summer Fridays! Yay! Then I stopped at Target on the way home for posterboard and pricetags and ended up- as usual- with ohsomuch more. New wineglasses! A low-slung Telluride chair! (Telluride in 2 weeks! WORD TO YOUR MOTHER!) Once I got home I poured myself a tall juicy glass (or 2 or 3) of Pinot Grigio and set about making the classiest yard sale signs you've ever seen! Kev rode his bike around and put them up and I mowed grass/weeds/the dirt. Then we ate dinner and watched Me, You, and Everyone We Know. Wow. Weird fucking interesting movie. I keep thinking about pooping back and forth forever. ))><(( to those of you who've seen it...

Saturday

Got up at THE CRACK and had us a damn good yard sale. We made $150 buckaroonies, all of which is safely sealed in an envelope labeled TELLURIDE. Beer drinking money, people. Money On Which To Get Sloshed. All of our neighbors came by and bought something, which I thought was pretty fucking neighborly. We met some new neighbors too--some old hippies who go to Rainbow Gatherings. They bought my "Pot Stories for the Soul" book. HA! Also: we sold the whole box of cassette tapes for $10 to some really groovy kids....we were both kinda sad to see them go- all my old mix tapes, Phish bootlegs....Kev's old punk tapes...some classics like Michael Jackson Thriller and Guns and Roses...SNIFF. But for real, we don't even OWN a tape player anymore. So sayanora tapes and hello New Belgium beer in a festival setting ;-)

After the yard sale I was beat, but a beer was in order so we headed over to Patrick Caroll's. I'm not so much a fan of the joint, they play the WORST music and the bartenders don't even know how to make a Georgia Peach shooter, but it's the only place with good pool tables and it's close. We drank and toasted our successful yard sale- my god, I should be a professional at it by now!

Then JANE joined us. Jane, who lives in our neighborhood and with who we always say "let's get together" but it never happens. You probably have people like that too... But by god- she called me and we made it happen! Jane is a trip and has a fun outlook on life so it was great to see her. yay! Shar and Alex picked us all up in their fancy new ride and we went up to a bar called SNOOKS that her friend just bought. Think biker bar-ish--kinda REDnecky. But I like those places- with the crusty old lady bartenders in age-inapproproate clothing and mullet-like hairdos. And cheap drinks. CHEAP - like a $2 bourbon cocktail. The cheapskate in me got the best of me and I, um, overimbibed just a smidge...

At the end of the night we ended up at The Rita Room, where I managed to drink a 'Rita. Shar and Alex made me promise to call them when I got home and I was all like "OK, but I don't want to talk"--like we'd be having some big conversation after we just spent the whole night hanging out. What a drunk! It's true though- I do hate the fucking phone....that's why none of you ever get calls, sorry! Ha- and the bouncer was watching me precariously try to get on my bike and says "You better be careful..." and I go "I'm biking" (like that wasn't obvious) but he didn't look convinced. What he didn't know was that from living in Fort Collins I became a PRO at drunken biking. A bonafide PRO.

And then it was g'night to the professionaldrunkbiker.

Today

I admit, today started a little rough. I downed a fistful of ibuprofen and slept until 11:30am which was a blessed miracle since I am never able to do that....anyway, the sleeping in did wonders for my hangover and I woke up feeling just fine, thank you very much.

I went to the grocery store for some provisions and came back and ate a turkey sammy. Then I put on my bikini and hit "the beach":

Pitiful, I know. Clearly, I am in serious need of a big girl pool.

Now, here I am freshly showered....awaiting a yummy dinner of tortilla-crusted tilapia and a sweet corn and bean salad. Something really excruciating to my ears is on i-tunes and blogging this has felt like a chore so off I go. Enjoy the rest of your weekends...I'm going to. And if you're watching the finale of the Sopranos know that I hate you AND your damn HBO.


Lucy pimps it in her $500 dog bed.

This post is rated L for Lame.

Since all forms of Compound W and Dr. Scholl's just hasn't cut it, I bit the bullet and made an appointment this morning to finally get this plantar's wort on my foot removed. So I'm wondering why was it so embarrassing to say to the receptionist "I have a wort I want removed." It was! Even she was like "Oh, the nurses can do that kind of treatment...."

Wort. Wort. WORT WORT WORT.

Yeah, it's pretty much one of the ugliest words there is.

***

CONGRATULATIONS to Shannon and Chris on their engagement! They got engaged in Asheville, NC...one of my very favorite towns. Yay! It'll be a fun wedding.

(An aside: I told Kev the news last night and as he was walking out of the kitchen he muttered "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride..." Wasn't that mean!? Alright, and kind of funny too. I am a sport, I can take it.......SIGH.)

***

Am on pins and needles. Pins! Needles!

***

I came into work late today and was quite happy with all that was accomplished this morn. Since the critters are both in full shed-the-winter-coat force, I vacuumed the holy heck out of every crack, crevice, nook and cranny!

Can you believe that in high school we used the word crevicing? Like: That Diet Dr. Pepper is crevicing! As in GOOD, RAD, RAD, TASTY, DA BOMB.

Dorks, the lot of us.

***

This week I am very proud of Kevin and his eco-conciousness. He has been biking downtown to the bus station, then catching the regional bus all the way to work in Boulder. I have nothing profound or clever to say about this, just that it is very very admirable. I myself wouldn't have the patience for that long of a commute.

Oh how my heart melts for crunchy earthy men!

***

Did you notice anything missing from this post? Some CURSE words maybe?

Hope y'all have all around gosh-darn rootin'tootin' weekends.

Two craigslist posts and a wahhhh wahhhhh.

This morning I've been all about some Craigslist. Yesterday I posted 2 posts and my god, I seem to have forgotten how absolutely frustrating being the proud owner of 2 craigslist posts can be!

The first post was to advertise for our yard sale on Saturday. Now, don't get all "you're one of those white trash families who throws shit out on their yard every weekend to make a quick buck" on me. The last yard sale was not at my house and was not all my stuff. Plus, fuckers, it was for CHARITY. The one this Saturday is purely FUN MONEY. We're the damn charity this time ;-)

Annnyyywayyy, a word to the wise: do not post the furniture you intend to sell at the yard sale because lord almighty....STOP EMAILING ME ABOUT THE PIER ONE SHELVES! I don't really want to sell any of it beforehand because then my yard sale will look empty and chintzy. Get off your ass and come down on Saturday if you want to make an offer. Plus I would have put it on the FURNITURE forum if I wanted to sell it that way, dumbass.

(Wow, I really sound all Rant 'N Rave craigslisty don't I? Heeee.)

The second post was in the Housing Wanted forum. We found our current place this way so I thought I'd give it another go-round. I admit- I kind of laid it all out there all snotty-like....we want THIS and we want THAT and it better goddamn well be clean, oh and there needs to be some grass for our precious baby to poop on, and did we mention that the bitch DOESN'T EVEN BARK? Yeah man, as tenants we are fucking awesome. And we want all of this for around $1,000 a month in one of Denver's hottest hoods.

Um, yeah. That last line. Where in my post did I say that I wanted to spend $1,600 a month in rent? If I wanted to do THAT I would be calling it a mortgage! Jeez. I mean you should see the places people are sending me. Not a one fits the bill, not a one. Like Bon Jovi says...I'm living on a prayer here, man. Our house, when we first moved into it, was the BOMB. Total score. She lowered the rent from $1,400 to $1,100 and we were super psyched at how nice the joint was. Now? Broken pipes galore, broken sprinkler system, unfinished patch job on the ceiling, loud street, dirt yard...I mean, we're not living in the ghetto and we still get the major compliments on the pad, buttttt.....but. but. but. We want small and nice grass and cheap and we don't need all the fancy woodwork and clawfoot tubs and multiple bathrooms and tiled floors and new cabinets...wahhhhh wahhhhhh, but we really do!

Renting sucks.